so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
