the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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