Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
