I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
