Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
