porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
