he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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