he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you never un-have a 4some
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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