i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sext me about skeletons
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
