i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
