she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
