when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
