She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got inside last night via doggy door
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
