The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
