Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
