I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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