we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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