theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
