watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
