Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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