come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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