i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
