He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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