Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
