people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
