New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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