that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
