He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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