i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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