They should really pass out barf bags in church
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
