I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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