he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
