please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
