worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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