I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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