you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
