so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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