I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
