so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
