Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
