Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
