Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
