it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
