I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
