Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
