i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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