I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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