I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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