remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
