It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
