do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
